alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
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I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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