i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Did I show you my penis last night?
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.