make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.