i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.