Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.