Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
