he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
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i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
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Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.