He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Randomize
