Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Did you just see the Batmobile???
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
