Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
