I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
