he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
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But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
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There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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