i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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