I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
