Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
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Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
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Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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