Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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