Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
