Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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