I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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