Im at strip club and am horny
Its about making memories worth repressing
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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