i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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