I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
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