Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize