Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
