You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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