no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
