Yo dont text me then not text me
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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