I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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