I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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