i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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