You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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