Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
even my farts smell like vagina
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Randomize
