It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
