So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
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I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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