I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
