I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
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