Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
