You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
