But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
