Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
