I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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