Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Who died my cat blue again?
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