Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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