I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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