In America we eat man semen.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
