My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
well I can't set my house on fire every night
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
pray to the hookup gods
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize