Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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