i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
