When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
