Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
