You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
