remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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