Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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