I think I won the penis lottery.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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