U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
