Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
