He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize