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I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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