She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
