Where are you?
In a non slutty way
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
