1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
