Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
