i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
