Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
